something important:

listening is crucial: yes.
presence is crucial: yes.
erasing the fear and the preconceived notions of how it will be: yes.

but there is a layer that’s deeper and even more crucial that i touched today. i haven’t been here in a while, and now that i’m here, i remember it’s the most important thing: today i put myself into this painting; i don’t know how else to put it. maybe i always do that, but it was so tangible today. the painting became part of me, and i became part of it. memories came up that i didn’t know i still had. it was mystical. i want to report that it happened, although i will not forget; it shows me each time i look at it. i don’t know how i got here, but i want to say out loud: this is the only place i want to go.